Courage Comes in Waves
by Sunshine-hime
Summary: Yuujin questions his identity. But with the help of his friends, he can begin to come to terms with it.


**As an aside, this story takes place directly after Smile From Your Heart so the ages are the same as in that one. It also references the therapy that Yuujin was suggested to go to in Promise Me You'll Try.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon Universe: Applimon and make no profit from this work.**

**Warning: For some deep-seeded internalized arophobia and acephobia from Yuujin. Poor kid.**

* * *

Yuujin is sitting in Haru's room on his bed and trying to concentrate on his voice. He can hear it, but from a distance as if passing through a strange filter.

Haru sits across from him, in a chair borrowed from his kitchen. "So if all goes well, I'll be moving in with him in about two weeks-"

A knot ties in his stomach at those words. When Haru first called him with some "exciting news," he was excited too. Until he came over and Haru, eyes shining and a bright grin on his face, told him everything.

And he knows he's being selfish for being upset, even mad at Haru. It isn't his fault, He's just being normal. And even Rei, who's aroace as well, is still in a proper relationship. Unlike _him_. What's wrong with him? Is he like this because he's not human?

He recalls when he first figured himself out, that he would never have any sort of relationship with anyone, that he has nothing to offer except friendship. A deep cold sucked out the warmth from his chest. And then he read more. About how close friends fall in love with other people. Grow distant. Move away from people like _him_.

The thought that Haru will move on from him, and that Ai will too. It _hurts_. He doesn't want to lose his friends. He loves them.

"Hey! Earth to Yuujin!"

He jolts up, heart hammering in his chest, and Gatchmon is staring right at him from his perch on Haru's shoulder.

Haru is staring too, wide-eyed and eyebrows furrowed. "Everything alright?"

Yuujin's vision clears and he shakes his head. "Yeah sorry, it was nothing." He won't put a damper on this. Haru is happy and he deserves to be happy. So does Rei. And this is normal, what _normal_ people do.

"I'm gonna call bullshit."

"Gatchmon! Really?"

"What? Am I lying?"

"Well n-no...But still. You shouldn't swear, it's not nice!"

Yuujin waves, trying to get their attention before a fight breaks out. Again. But the two ignore him and keep going.

"You're not the boss of me!"

"I am when it comes to swearing!"

"Oh really? Bullshitbullshitbullshitbullshitbullshitbullsh-"

Haru slaps his hand over Gatchmon's mouth, stopping his Buddy mid-curse. It's silent for a moment, Gatchmon's eyes wide as saucers. Then Haru shrieks and pulls back his hand and Yuujin has to cover his mouth to hold back his laughter.

"I can't believe you licked my hand!"

"That's what you get jerk!"

Yuujin finally loses it and laughs so hard he wakes Offmon from his nap in the livingroom. The thoughts from earlier are pushed to the back of his mind and forgotten for now.

* * *

"Yuujin? Everything okay?"

He startles and faces his clock, letting out a groan when he realizes a half hour passed and he's done nothing but lay on his bed and stare at the ceiling.

His buddy is now sitting on his stomach and wow when did that happen? He must have been _really_ out of it. "I'm fine Offmon. Sorry about that." A sigh as he rakes fingers through his hair. "Lemme go freshen up, then we'll leave."

Yuujin takes care to lift Offmon off him before sitting up and his Buddy automatically curls against his chest. Haru will be getting out of work in another hour and he promised to help him move his things to Rei's place.

A twinge of jealousy hits his chest and he squeezes his eyes shut. He always thought they would live together as best friends. But no, it makes sense. Rei and Haru are together now. And Rei has always been there for him, especially back then when Yuujin...when Yuujin _betrayed_ Haru. Maybe this is what he deserves.

There's a sudden tugging sensation on his shirt and he opens his eyes to Offmon pulling on it. "See, something is wrong." Offmon is quiet for a moment, holding his head, and Yuujin knows he's deep in though. "Is it because you read those things online before?"

Yuujin almost chokes on his spit. Yeah, Offmon was next to him that day but he didn't realize he was reading those articles too.

"After that, you looked so sad around Haru. Not always but enough times."

He chews on his lower lip. He didn't think he was that obvious. But his Buddy is way more perceptive than he looks and it seems he forgot that important fact.

"You can always talk to me. I'll do my best to help you out."

It's tempting to just vent everything out. And he almost agrees. But this is something him and Haru and later on Ai and him need to work out.

"Thanks Offmon, but I think. I think it'd be for the best if I talked to Haru about this." Maybe he'll bring it up first in his next therapy session with Remedimon instead, to bounce ideas off of them at least.

Offmon cuddles closer to him. "Everything'll be okay. I'm sure Haru will understand, and he won't leave you okay? Haru loves you too!"

Yuujin doesn't answer back. He hopes his Buddy is right.

* * *

Yuujin and Haru place down a large box in Rei's livingroom with a groan. This one was by far the heaviest they carried. "That should be the last one," and Haru wipes the sweat off his forehead. It doesn't help that both Gatchmon and Offmon decided to hitch a ride on said box, making it even worse.

For now it's the four of them, the place currently all to themselves. Rei is finishing up a double shift at the cafe and Hajime is still in cram school.

Yuujin moves to the couch and relaxes, taking in the sight of Haru and Gatchmon sorting through the boxes stacked around the room as his arms wrap around Offmon.

This is the perfect time for Yuujin to talk to Haru. He knows he has to, can see the conversation playing out in his head, can taste the words on his lips. But his stomach bottoms out and he hesitates. And stalls. And his head is filled with the worst outcomes, his worst fears.

He can feel himself go numb. The feeling of nothing spreading in his chest, his stomach, his limbs as he slowly leaves his body. A light squeeze on his wrist strikes him like lightning and he gasps. Offmon smiles up at him when he looks down and he realizes he nearly had another episode before his Buddy grounded him.

Their earlier conversation and Yuujin's therapy session afterwards comes back to him. He takes a deep breath, then another. Okay. It's okay. He can do this. _He can do this._

"Hey Haru?"

Whatever the pair are discussing in earnest is cut short and Haru focuses right on him, then smiles soft and kind. It warms his heart and makes him lose his nerve all at once. But he can't back out now, or more like if he does it'll be really awkward. And he hates awkward more than anything.

"So uh, can we talk?" Aaaaand he made it awkward anyway.

But bless Haru. He doesn't poke fun. Just nods and walks over, sitting on the couch right next to him. "Of course. Anything you want to talk about, I'm open."

Yuujin inhales and holds Offmon a little tighter for comfort. "So. Remember when I told you before I was straight? As it turns out, that's not really accurate…."

* * *

Telling Ai after confessing to Haru is just as hard the second time around. But it's worth it. Because just like Haru, Ai hugs him and tells him how much he means to her.

He's so happy. His best friends, they love him too. They told him that. He never knew how much he needed to hear those words from them. To know they're okay with him as he is.

In what feels like forever, the knot in Yuujin's stomach slowly untwists itself. Maybe he can be okay with himself too someday.

**So this is the final Applimon fanfic I'm writing in a long while. After this I'm gonna focus on other WIPs as well as original works instead. I might come back to this fandom someday but right now I'm pretty happy with my body of works. Thanks for all the support!**


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